We are partners. I’m not your god damn mother! I am mostly angry with myself for allowing myself to get to this point of I Am A Redhead I Can’t Be Held Responsible For What My Face Does When You Talk Shirt exhaustion and frustration. I allowed the ridiculous norm of 90% caretaker of household and childcare duties while also holding down a full-time job. I think it will be impossible to move to an equal partnership. Am I the only one who is struggling with this shit? How do I break out of it? Yeah, it’s not much help if he has 9 hours of me-time that come in 3-4 hour increments and she has 9 hours of me-time that come in 15-30 minute increments. They add up to the same amount of time ‘off’ but they are hardly equal.
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When we first had an I Am A Redhead I Can’t Be Held Responsible For What My Face Does When You Talk Shirt baby, I could feel us slipping towards that norm, especially when his paternity leave was done and I was still on maternity leave. So we started with a simple question: are we equally deserving of rest and free time? He said of course! And then I literally broke out a day planner and we did a rough example week, which put the imbalance into very concrete terms. I think he genuinely didn’t realize how vastly much more time he had. I love the idea of an owner for different tasks.
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What we settled on was having certain tasks we each “own”. Now, that doesn’t mean we never do those tasks together or step in, but it means the I Am A Redhead I Can’t Be Held Responsible For What My Face Does When You Talk Shirt “owner” is responsible for managing it and asking for help if needed. E.g. he might say “hey the towels are clean and in the dryer. This question is pure genius. It’s not about equal work because sometimes both partners think they are doing more. It’s about “me” time and rest!! Thank you for that perspective!
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